Hear about the $900 toilet seat?

The $900 Air Force toilet seat looms as the granddaddy of goofball government stories for our age. It’s entered the vernacular as the reference point of the uninformed when it comes to federal contracting. It joins little green men on ice in zone 51.  Ted Cruz’s dad-on-the-grassy-knoll might be next. Somewhere between Roswell, New Mexico and the Bermuda Triangle stands a volcano of rumor. It never ceases spewing good but, alas, untrue stories.

Real truths are often more strange, anyhow. The “900 toilet seat” might have been the mischaracterization of a complex, one-off assembly for the demanding environment of military aircraft. You can find so many accurate accounts I don’t even want to go into it here. On the other hand the actual cost of, say, the F-35 and the other problems associated with it — those really are amazing.

I spoke the other day with procurement attorney Terry O’Connor. He runs the federal contracts practice at Berenzweig Leonard. In a recent blog he recounts the story of how published reports had this: New Balance, the sports apparel manufacturer, had bribed someone in the administration for getting a Defense contract for shoes, with New Balance coming out in favor of the Pacific trade agreement.

Huh?

You can understand how such a story could have plausibility. O’Connor says the trade agreement gives tariff-free status to Vietnam. I’ve worn every brand of running shoe there is, and most them have been made somewhere in Asia. A New Balance selling point is that it makes shoes right here in the U.S of A. Plausible, but simply untrue. If anything, it’s all too pat.

O’Connor also relates the  tale of a popular late night comedian who masquerades as, I don’t know, a political pundit. He made a crack about the Transportation Security Administration having paid IBM $1.4 million dollars to develop a simple left-right arrow app for airport lines. In fact the app cost more like $47,000 — a task order under a $1.4 million deal. A funny line, maybe, but nonsense.

Such a story may fit a larger conception that the government overpays. It sometimes does. But O’Connor says, and I agree, that the false stories harm the reputations of both the government and the contractor. Even the program.

When stories like this come out, contractor and contracting officer can work together to put the truth out.

If people want to believe corporations are all bribers, or the elder Mr. Cruz associated with Lee Harvey Oswald, or the moon is made of cheese, there’s not much you can do, But it’s still wise to get the truth on the record.

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