According to the latest numbers from the B.S. (Bureau of Statistics) the average federal worker spends one third of his or her time either attending a meeting, prepping for a meeting or recovering from a meeting or series of meetings. The same is true in the private sector, especially as the organization gets bigger and has more people looking for more ways to look more important.

For GS 14 and above personnel the figure is (probably) 50 percent. For folk at the SES level the B.S.-rating indicates that 8 of every 10 execs spends most of his/her day going from one meeting to another. Sometimes mired in two meetings at once, even as long-suffering worker bees fight to stay awake and appear interested.

Meetings can deal with important things: Like who should we nuke. And why. But most don’t rise to that level of importance. At all too many meetings, long-suffering attendees say, the most important decision made is where and when to have the next meeting.

At some meetings the most important topic is whether to order pizza for that or upcoming meetings, at which time the issue of toppings will lead the agenda for the next meeting.

A private sector friend, working his way up the corporate ladder, says government doesn’t have a monopoly on Meeting Madness. In fact, he and his colleagues have developed a game, with rules, to liven up meetings. They may look for buzzwords or phrases that a colleague, or the boss, is fond of using. Over and over again. Maybe something like “boots on the ground” or “at the end of the day.” Or people who say they have had, or plan to have “a conversation”.

One of my bosses confessed that in a former life, she and friends had a pool as to how many times a certain person would use a certain, favorite word. “We got so caught up in keeping the (word) count that we missed everything else that was said at the meeting,” she said.

Another way to survive meeting madness, according to private sector guy, is for several people to agree beforehand to introduce a certain word or phrase at the meeting and use it appropriately. Some of his favorites include:

• Long pole in the tent (which draws giggles from those who have a dirty mind)
• Let me add a wrinkle (ditto)
• It is what it is
• We are where we are
• My take on this…
• What is the value proposition?

I once had a boss who would say “indeed” after one of us said something. I never did figure out what “indeed” was all about. Whether it was good or bad. But it had the effect of blotting out all memory of the meeting which was, usually, a good thing.

So how about a little value added from you?

Got a favorite meeting story? Do you and your coworkers play mind games to help stay awake and maintain your sanity?

If so, or if you have any thoughts or other angles to the meeting game, let us know. We’ll let it all hang out here. We’ll run it up the flagpole and see who salutes!

Of course this will require several staff meetings to determine if this is a good idea…

Nearly Useless Factoid

The Marquis de Sade was transferred out of the Bastille 10 days before it was stormed 14 July 1789. Happy Bastille Day!

To reach me: mcausey@federalnewsradio.com

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