Tea with the Taliban to coffee at Waffle House: The importance of veterans in defending American democracy

Virtually every city or town, no matter the size, has existing local programs where veterans can make a difference.

As a Cavalry Troop Commander in Afghanistan, I commanded three combat outposts across 1,500 square kilometers of contested territory. My mission extended far beyond combat operations; it demanded building trust with local tribes, understanding complex cultural dynamics, and fostering the fragile roots of democratic governance.

It was nearly impossible to achieve our mandate for security, development and governance over such a vast area with only 100 men and little cultural competency. I needed to build relationships with the Afghan tribes in the area, but I wasn’t taught how to do that in a West Point classroom or in the mountains of Colorado. I felt at a loss.

Once, after a fierce gunfight in a remote village, I found myself sharing tea with members of the Taliban. An hour earlier, we had been trying to kill each other. Now, because the local national police chief — who fought alongside us — had family in the Taliban and brokered a rooftop sit-down to discuss surrender, we shared a table. The atmosphere was tense, but I made a joke about our helicopters, and someone smiled. Slowly, the tension began to ease. I realized many of these men weren’t truly ideological militants but farmers forced to pick a side.

That day, I learned a profound lesson: To build understanding, I first had to build a social connection. As I met more tribal elders, I made it a priority to set up a patrol base in their village and share meals with them. Often, a lamb would be cooked, and we would talk late into the night about our families, our countries and our hopes for both.

Eventually, we went on joint patrols, fighting the Taliban side-by-side. That shared service to a greater cause created trust that transcended any divide. In the weeks leading up to the first-ever Afghan provincial elections — the first in which women could vote — local government leaders and tribal elders spoke of the importance of voting and taking ownership of their new democracy.

Our efforts helped establish schools for girls in areas once under Taliban control, and we witnessed women proudly displaying ink-stained thumbs as proof of their participation in democracy. The journey taught me that social connection, shared service and ownership of the future were key to fostering real change.

These lessons aren’t limited to an Afghan battlefield; they are a roadmap for addressing the polarization that threatens to unravel the fabric of American society today. The tactics of winning hearts and minds through genuine engagement and service can help heal our divided communities.

This philosophy drives +More Perfect Union (MPU), the nonprofit I founded alongside fellow veteran Jake Harriman. Through +MPU, we leverage the skills we learned in the service while working alongside others from the CIA, Peace Corps, AmeriCorps, and civic leaders to unite the country and strengthen American communities at the grassroots level.

We apply the principles of counterinsurgency here at home — fostering dialogue, building relationships, and expanding areas of stability and trust.

In Glen Rose, Texas, +MPU facilitated dialogues between politically opposed groups by focusing on shared concerns like local education and infrastructure while a local BBQ master served 18 hour roasted pig. Meanwhile, in New Orleans, we combined jazz performances with voter registration drives, celebrating the city’s culture while encouraging civic participation.

Our work aims to prove that the methods veterans used to stabilize conflict zones abroad can help bring stability and unity to communities across America.

As veterans, we and those like us are uniquely positioned to lead these efforts. Our experiences have honed our abilities in cross-cultural communication, strategic problem-solving, and team-building in high-stress environments. We’ve learned to look beyond superficial differences to find common purpose — a skill sorely needed in today’s tense political and social climate.

Moreover, veterans — both with and without combat experience — are taught to lead by example and respect hierarchical and community structures, and we deeply understand that there are no invaluable parts of any group or organization.

Whether we’ve served in a hostile environment or not, veterans are conditioned to handle adversity and develop patience and mental toughness that makes us a powerful force for good within our communities. These leadership traits, combined with a strong commitment to public service, put us in a unique position to affect positive change.

Last week, I sat in a Waffle House in Georgia with someone whose political views were vastly different from my own, engaging in one of MPU’s “Coffee and Courage” conversations. I was reminded that the strength of our democracy doesn’t reside in the halls of power in Washington, but in the willingness of citizens to engage with one another, to serve their communities, and to participate in our shared experiment of democracy.

Virtually every city or town, no matter the size, has existing local programs where veterans can make a difference. Whether serving in an advisory capacity or going hands-on to organize social events that bring people of different backgrounds together to identify common ground, there are endless possibilities.

If you’ve decided to take action, identify the skills you bring to the table and reach out to a local organization, mentorship program, or visit MPU.us to find your closest chapter.

The fight for the soul of our nation won’t be won through Tweets or cable news debates. It will be won through millions of small acts of engagement, service and civic participation. It’s time to bring the same level of commitment to healing our nation that we brought to defending it overseas.

Garrett Cathcart is co-founder and executive director of +More Perfect Union.

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