Reality Meets Red Tape
Three contractors are bidding on a job to fix the White House fence. They come from Florida, New Jersey and Tennessee. So who gets the contract? New Jersey, of...
Contractors are fact of life in today’s government. There are slightly more contractors than uniformed military personnel in Iraq. They are doing everything from meal preparation and moving cargo to protecting high-level U.S. officials.
In some agencies, contract employees are estimated to outnumber civil servants by a six to one ratio. Some vital government operations couldn’t be done without them. Some vital government operations get done in spite of them.
With that, here’s a clever ode to contractors making the rounds of the internet. This is one of several versions folks sent us. Thanks, and here goes:
Three contractors are bidding to fix the fence around the White House. One is from New Jersey, another from Tennessee and the third, is from Florida. They go with a White House official to examine the fence which is broken or bent in several places.
The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900; $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.” The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700; $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”
The New Jersey contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$2,700.”
The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”
The New Jersey contractor whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.”
“Done!” replies the government official.
Top Of The Morning
Frequent contributor Stanley F., admits to having no shame. But even he expressed remorse for sending in the following St. Patrick’s Day question:
Do you know the name of the Irishman who stays out all summer? Paddy O’Furniture. (ouch)
Ouch is right!
Retiree COLA Countdown
With 7 months go in the inflation countdown, federal-military and Social Security retirees are due a January cost of living adjustment (COLA) of 1.8 percent. That’s based on the Consumer Price Index for the month of February. Before the new inflation data was posted, the retirees were looking at a 1.5 percent COLA for 2009.
If inflation increases over the next few months, as is likely, the January 2009 COLA (which is automatic and separate from the federal pay raise) will be even higher. But for now it stands at 1.8 percent. And counting. 
Nearly Useless Factoids
According to religionfacts.com, “corned beef and cabbage is the traditional meal enjoyed by many on St. Patrick’s Day, but only half of it is truly Irish. Cabbage has long been a staple of the Irish diet, but it was traditionally served with Irish bacon, not corned beef. The corned beef was substituted for bacon by Irish immigrants to the Americas around the turn of the century who could not afford the real thing. They learned about the cheaper alternative from their Jewish neighbors.” See? Truly everyone is Irish on St. Patrick’s day!
To reach me: mcausey@federalnewsradio.com
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