Before Senior Correspondent Mike Causey returns, we offer the final installments of “The Most Popular Federal Reports of the Year”. This column was originally published on March 26th. sk

Many federal agencies are going to get bigger as the Obama administration tackles the economic crisis. But the biggest kid on the federal block isn’t one of them. That would be the U.S. Postal Service.

Picture, if you can, the USPS as one of the contestants on that popular NBC reality show, “The Biggest Loser”. Like the human contestants, the USPS needs to downsize to stay in the game and stay alive.

So how did a popular federal operation that touches nearly every American household 6-days a week suddenly become too big? And how can it downsize?

Let’s start with you, the consumer. Ask yourself:

• When is the last time you wrote somebody a real letter. A real person a real letter.
• When was the last time you got a letter. A real letter from a real person.
• Do you pay your bills on-line?
• If you don’t bank using the internet, chances are your children or younger people in your office bank and pay bills online. If they don’t, they will as soon as they incur bills and earn income to pay same.

All indicators are that as young people join the labor force – whether out of high school, college or the military or after an extended period “finding themselves” – most people opt to shop, bank and do business online.

Stamps? Who needs them?

Postal clerks? Who needs them (or at least so many) to move an ever-dwindling flow of mail?

When asked if they want 6-day a week mail delivery, most Americans say yes. Can’t do without it.

But be honest. What would happen if you didn’t get mail say on a Saturday. Or a Wednesday? Would it wreck your social life, or ruin your business? Or would you be too busy e-mailing or Twittering to notice?

The situation with the U.S. Postal Service is similar to that of the newspaper business: Both are between a rock and a hard place.

A growing number of newspapers are cutting staff, consolidating once stand-only sections (like book world, and the business section). And cutting overseas bureaus and in many cases eliminating bureaus in the state capital. Or are eliminating their print editions and going all internet. The difference is that the USPS can and will ask for taxpayer subsidies.

Meantime, the USPS (as first reported here July 8, 2008) is hoping that technology and fewer people will let it stay in business. Last summer they offered early retirement to 40,000 rank-and-file employees. Mostly from the clerk craft. Now they’ve upped the amount to 140,000 folks, including some management types, they would like to see leave earlier than they planned.

The last early-out offer tempted only about 7,000 folks to depart. Postal union leaders urged employees (also dues-paying members) not to consider an early-out unless they also got a buyout too. Buyouts are worth a maximum of $25,000 before deductions.

Early retirement is a good deal only for people who want to, and feel they can, pull the plug earlier than planned. During an early-out, workers under the old CSRS system (which covers the majority of early-out eligibles,) individuals can retire at any age with 25 years of federal service, or at 50 with 20 years. They get immediate (but reduced) annuities and are eligible for lifetime health insurance coverage. Normal retirement with an immediate annuity for CSRS workers is age 55 with 30 years, 60 with 20 years, or 62 with 5 years service.

Many of the USPS’s 646,000 workers (120,000 of whom are eligible to retire now or to take early retirement) are apparently hanging on in hopes that buyouts will be offered. Officials expect a total of 40,000 will retire this year. That’s nowhere near the number the USPS would like to see.

In addition to waiting for a pot-of-gold buyout, many postals are concerned about their TSP accounts which have been hammered, and the weakening private sector job market. They say a buyout would be the nudge they need. But union sources and postal managers say it is very unlikely that the USPS will ever again offer buyouts.

USPS brass hope that when/if the economy starts to improve more people will send more first, second or third class mail. But in private they believe they are sailing against the tide.

Others, in private, are not so sure.

“The first time I heard the term ‘snail mail’ (to describe letters with stamps), I knew we were in big trouble,” a former USPS official said.

Nearly Useless Factoid
by Suzanne Kubota

Hungry? According to Guinness World Records, the largest hamburger commercially available is the “Absolutely Ridiculous Burger” found at Mallie’s Sports Grill & Bar in Southgate, Michigan. The burger is over 200 pounds of beef, baked, then topped with topped bacon, cheese, lettuce, tomato, white onions and sliced dill pickles. On a really, really big bun.

To reach me: mcausey@federalnewsradio.com

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