Revenge, they say, is a dish best served cold! Like last week.

So it’s fitting that after decades of “you’re-a-wimp” taunts from folks who hail from colder climes that we in the D.C. area, we got to see how folks out in the real world handle early and intense cold weather.

Last Monday schools were closed in the Midwest and later, as the cold front moved south and east, schools and government offices were shut down in places where, according to local lore, they never give in to a little cold. On one day alone in the Midwest, some 800 cars and trucks, driven by people who know how to handle winter weather, crashed into other cars also driven by winter warriors. How cold was it?

It was so cold that the Governor of Minnesota himself told school children to stay home the day before Veterans Day. You betcha! Jeez it was cold!

Nobody here is gloating. Winter, especially an early hit, can be brutal. Nobody but auto repair shops likes wrecks. Still it was somewhat comforting to know — and see live on the nightly network news — that we are not alone in our inability to cope. We took a major PR beating several years ago when a 33-inch snowstorm shut down most operations. And we take it almost every winter when/if there is a government shutdown.

We are told, by transplants, that people here don’t drive like folks in Minneapolis-St. Paul, Chicago, Boston, Buffalo or anywhere above the 40th parallel. Not all transplants are that way. But enough so that we never are allowed to forget how inadequate we are.

For decades we have been told childhood tales of schools back home that never closed. Of workers who made skis out of barrel staves to get to the plant or office. Of heavily bundled toddlers walking up hill — both ways! — in sub-zero weather to their day care lairs. All this while we, winter after winter, fold like cheap suits at the sight of a dozen snowflakes.

If you’ve lived here a long time, or are a native, you’ve had your share of comments from relative newcomers who, in addition to commenting on our wimp winter ways, also point out that you can’t get a good pizza here. Or a decent bagel or cheese steak. Or good Italian, Greek, Chinese, Armenian or even American food. When’s the last time you had a decent Bundt cake? More to the point, what is a Bundt cake?

A Virginian friend with the Internal Revenue Service married a lovely young lady from northern Michigan. She was great. But her brothers, uncles and father teased the Arlington-bred guy for decades about how unmanly D.C.-area men were when Old Man Winter hit. All of the still-living ice men have since retired to Arizona, Texas and Florida. But they still watch TV, he says, and call him each winter to rub salt (winter-grade rock) in his wounds.

The good times won’t last.

We got off easy last week. We weak residents of the Potomac Valley know it is only a matter of time. The worst is yet to come. Nearly always is. There will be snow days when the government is closed and when we will be, once again, the laughingstock of the nation. But that’s OK, we can take it. Certainly have enough practice.

Meantime, to the winter warriors out there Beyond The Beltway, good luck. When the going gets tough, and we are taking shots, we will review the videos from last week and very diplomatically chuckle.

NEARLY USELESS FACTOID:

By Matt Wingfield

The snowiest winter on record in Washington, D.C., was in 2009, as Old Man Winter dumped 56.1 inches on the District.

Source: ABC 7

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