In the beginning, there was the Book of the Month Club.

Now we have a Cheese of the Month Club, a Beer of the Month Club and lots of similar clubs you can join.

So as night follows day, the next logical step: The Horrible Federal Rumor of the Month Club . Although that’s a catchy idea (copyright pending, by the way), it would (will) quickly become known in government circles simply as the HFROTMC. We dropped the T at the beginning for space reasons.

Just as there are endless brands of beer, and more cheese than you can shake a sheep at, so are the numbers of rumors – old, new and with updated variations – making the rounds of the federal establishment at any moment.

Last year’s rumors (that the 2009 pay raise would be frozen, that the 2009 retiree COLA would be canceled, and that their would be widespread furloughs) have disappeared. They didn’t happen. The good news for the HFROTMC grist mill is that they will be back later this year.

Thanks to the internet, rumors and bogus reports, once transmitted by fax machine or by letter or telephone call, can now go from Kansas City to Kuwait City in a matter of seconds. And they do.

Earlier this week there was the official-looking “news” story about the guy who runs the TSP’s International fund being arrested by the FBI. According to the story flashed to feds all over the country, the I-fund manager had been doing all sorts of evil things which is why the I-fund is in deep negative territory. All of this, the story said, while he was living in a plush Manhattan penthouse on a civil service salary – plus of course what he could skim. The bogus story quoted bogus federal officials as being a “rouge” (sic) employee. In fact, if the story had been true he would have been a “rogue” employee. I mean even in Manhattan they draw the line, right?

Still many people were concerned about the false report. Had the HFROTMC been operational it would have been nipped in the bud. Or butt, or wherever one nips rumors.

And here’s the first one to be debunked by the HFROTMC. It was sent to us by a long-time federal employee who has seen and heard them all. This is the latest bogus rumor making the rounds. Remember this is false so don’t pass it on:

The newest FALSE RUMOR this week is that in order to provide additional job opportunities for individuals seeking employment, the Administration will ask Congress to approve legislation that would (for the most part) set a mandatory retirement age of (pick one) 65 or 70 for Federal employees. The Stateside Federal workforce of 1.9 million presently includes slightly more than 55,000 employees who are age 65 or over. Not true! False!

The lively comments on a mandatory retirement age thus far range from “I plan to work until I’m a hundred and I’m carried out on a stretcher” to “I’m one third the age of most of my coworkers whose original thoughts stopped 25 years ago; show these dinosaurs the door – Now!”

For reference,” the rumor slayer noted, “the mandatory retirement age of 70 was eliminated back during the Carter Administration.

Naturally, the other perpetual rumors are also tossed around in various forms which include giving feds 1, 3 or even 5 years of service credit (pick your favorite rumor) and a year of separation salary, etc.”

It might be a good way to thin the herd, but it’s not going to happen!

Anyhow, keep the reports coming. The HFROTMC will expose them for what they are. Starting from today.

After all, what could possibly go wrong with an enterprise launched on Friday the 13th???

Nearly Useless Factoid
by Suzanne Kubota

Yes, it’s Friday the 13th… again. In the Gregorian calendar, it happens at least once a year.

To reach me: mcausey@federalnewsradio.com

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