Ah, fall — the crisp air, falling leaves, giant skeletons somehow everywhere (am I right?) — and performance reviews for federal employees. I recently asked my LinkedIn community what words come to mind when they hear “performance reviews,” and the responses were mixed — from dread to duty to a sense that they’re underutilized or ineffective. But here’s the thing: It’s how we approach this season that really matters.

Public servants join government because they believe in making it better, but we also need to trust in each other’s ability to grow and learn through feedback. What if reviews became less about box-checking or detailing mistakes, and more about genuine connection? Approaching reviews with compassion for ourselves and our supervisor isn’t touchy-feely; it can inspire growth, renew our purpose, and create a more supportive environment for everyone involved.

The stakes: Why reviews matter

Performance reviews are far more than awkward conversations. They provide a rare moment to step out of the churn, celebrate what’s working and commit to improving what’s not. They are a chance to reconnect with the deeper purpose behind our work, whether it’s mission support or direct service to the public, and remember that our performance affects the lives of every American. They also offer a chance to reflect on our interdependence: how the performance, sense of belonging, and well-being of supervisors and their teams are deeply intertwined.

But if we approach performance reviews robotically, we miss this opportunity. I’m no expert in the field, but after 15 years of observing this process, I’ve seen how often we leave money on the table. So let’s explore ways to make reviews more meaningful. Take what resonates, and carve out the rest.

Discipline alone doesn’t deliver

One pitfall is making criticism or discipline the primary focus. This approach is highlighted in the Partnership for Public Service’s recent Vision for a Better Government, which emphasizes strengthening accountability tools like probationary periods and improvement plans, relying on consequences to drive improvement.

While discipline certainly has its place, it shouldn’t dominate the process because quite simply, it can backfire. After all, who among us thrives — at work or at home — when our behavior is overly criticized or excessively monitored? As the Harvard Business Review (HBR) notes, “Layoffs, probations, final warnings, and so on may produce initial compliance, but over time this approach generates more problems than it solves.” Punitive measures increase stress and promote compliance behaviors, instead of meaningful contribution.

These insights aren’t new. The article above is from 1985, which in turn references a 1964 HBR article, Discipline Without Punishment. Yet, sixty years later, the ingrained belief persists, drummed into many of us from childhood, that every misstep demands punishment.

The box-checking missed opportunity

For many, performance reviews feel more like a formality than an opportunity for meaningful reflection. Frontline managers face particular challenges, juggling heavy workloads and often lacking the training and support they deserve. The temptation to click through prompts, tick off required meetings, and sidestep tricky conversations is strong, often leaving little room for the deeper engagement these reviews could offer.

Even overly positive reviews that skip areas for growth or genuine appreciation miss an opportunity. High marks without specifics don’t help employees build on strengths or take on new challenges. In my experience, positive feedback, without substance or direction, feels just as box-check-y as neutral reviews.

Shifting the focus: Connection

What if we flipped the script and saw performance reviews as a chance to connect, not just correct or check a box? In government, we’re up against some of the country’s toughest problems, where success isn’t always clear, and we’re definitely not mind readers when it comes to our supervisors’ expectations. Reviews could be a moment to reconnect with why we’re here, get clearer on our roles, and feel more grounded in the goals we’re all driving towards together.

This starts with helping employees feel seen, starting with appreciation. While appreciation shouldn’t be reserved for special occasions, performance reviews offer a unique focal point for positive feedback. Balancing constructive feedback with genuine — and, please god, specific — appreciation can transform a required annual review into tender moments of connection.

Counterintuitive as it may seem, appreciation actually boosts performance. For a long time, I believed that feeling bad about myself was what spurred personal growth. But it turns out that feeling good about ourselves is a more reliable way to grow. A psychologist Carl Rogers put it: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I change.”

Even when constructive feedback is necessary, HBR advises us to focus more on clarifying expectations and emphasizing the importance of the person’s role, rather than warnings about consequences. Research by self-compassion legend Kristin Neff shows that compassion fosters growth far more effectively than self-criticism. When managers acknowledge the complexity of your job, the learning inherent in any role, and that perfection isn’t expected, they pave the way for self-compassion and belonging.

Embracing “hard” conversations

In government, where our feedback culture itself needs significant improvement, review season highlights just how out of practice we are. But it also offers a valuable opportunity to try. With empathy and curiosity, I’ve found that open and honest conversations aren’t as bad as I expect. While still challenging, these moments can lead to real breakthroughs, making review season a time for relational – not just personal – growth.

A few years ago, I received unexpectedly harsh feedback about a difficult relationship with a peer. At first, I felt overwhelmed and discouraged. But as we talked it through, my supervisor recognized the effort I’d put into improving the situation and the progress I’d made. That acknowledgment made all the difference, helping me feel seen for my efforts — not just my errors — and keeping me engaged.

Managers deserve self-compassion, too

This experience highlights psychologist Gabor Maté’s insight: “Psychological safety is not the absence of threat but the presence of connection.” To build this kind of safety, leaders must create a workplace where employees trust that their managers will support them when they err, recognize the fullness of their contributions, and acknowledge the role supervisors themselves play in underperformance.

This kind of leadership takes courage, self-awareness and vulnerability. It means admitting when guidance could have been clearer, recognizing personal triggers, noticing the influence of outside stressors, and openly sharing one’s own growth areas.

To do all this during a busy season, on top of their other demands, supervisors need to be kind to themselves, too. After all, “perfection” isn’t in any manager’s performance plan. Demonstrating self-compassion, taking responsibility rather than placing blame, and prioritizing growth over perfection sets a powerful example and fosters a culture where everyone feels supported to learn and grow together.

When support and connection aren’t enough

A common myth about compassion is that it means avoiding tough decisions. In reality, compassion clarifies why discipline is sometimes necessary. It leads to honest conversations about whether a role is the right fit, focusing on what’s best for the team and the mission — not just the individual.

For example, I once supervised a State Department contractor who occasionally drank too much and became belligerent with colleagues after hours. Despite several honest conversations, it became clear that the impact on the team was too significant to overlook. I ultimately decided to end his contract — not as punishment, but to protect the work environment and uphold our team’s values of respect and kindness.

Tips for a more positive review season

Performance reviews are here to stay — so why not use them to strengthen connection and purpose? Here are a few ways to channel that intention:

1. Reflect on your goals: The review process starts well before any conversation. Take time to clarify your intention. If you’re a manager, are you looking to express appreciation, address a blind spot, or resolve a specific issue? For employees, are you looking for honest feedback, to develop new skills, or better understand your manager’s expectations?
2. “Make the implicit explicit:” In Authentic Relating Training this is a practice of openly naming feelings — like anxiety or awkwardness — to set a tone of vulnerability and authenticity. This is especially valuable in performance reviews, where deep feelings are often present but unspoken.
3. Remember each other’s goodness: Performance reviews can feel heavy, so sharing what’s working creates a foundation for constructive feedback. Here’s a wild idea: during your review, take a moment to share three things you genuinely appreciate about your manager and how their support made your success possible. Small gestures of appreciation and interdependence like this can shift the tone, making reviews more balanced and meaningful for both sides.

In a powerful podcast exploring the spiritual side of justice, CNN commentator Van Jones remarked that “You can’t hold people accountable if you don’t hold them.” This idea, that improving performance is inextricably tied to care and connection, is a powerful reminder. Ultimately, performance reviews are what we make of them: a dreaded chore or a chance to reconnect with purpose and each other. So let’s approach them with intention — and, who knows, maybe make the review season a little less spooky.

Alex Snider is a strategy lead in the federal government. Previously, he worked as a diplomat in the U.S. Department of State, in the U.S. Senate, and at the World Bank. He is also a certified mindful facilitator who believes that mindfulness and hulking bureaucracy actually fit together quite nicely.

Read more of his writing on his Substack, Human Bureaucracy,and connect with him on LinkedIn.

This op-ed is written in his personal capacity and the views expressed do not necessarily represent the views of his agency or the United States.

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