I once worked in a 12-person office with two small bathrooms, one for men, one for women. It was a quiet, low-key office except for a period of about three weeks when the lock to the men’s room was broken. And, as several learned from experience, the light would go out 30 to 60 seconds after entry.

So much for being alone with your thoughts. In hindsight, it was exciting, but at the time not so funny.

I got a flashback this week after seeing this post from an employee at the Detroit Army Arsenal in Warren, Michigan:

“Motion sensor lights in the restroom. Seriously! Whose idea was that? Why would we have motion lights in the restrooms? That just does not make sense! The restroom in building 230W is equipped with these monstrosities and they have been nothing but a safety hazard and an utter inconvenience.

“Every morning I dedicate my time to pay my respects to Mother Nature. I use this time to free myself of obstructions within me due to my extremely high fiber diet. Unlike the rest of the people around here, we do not take the use of the restroom for granted.

“This is a sacred moment, where man and Mother Nature are one. We are at all peace, we cherish the serenity and sanctity of this sacred bond, a short vacation away from the daily stresses of life. It is a way of maintaining our sanctity without resorting to the use of drugs, or other unsafe and unhealthy practices that can degrade mission readiness.

“Unfortunately things are no longer the same. The tranquility of the restroom has been shattered, no longer can one be at peace in the stall, no longer can one find solitude and comfort while basking in the aroma of nature. There has been a disturbance in the air, a disruption to the aura of the restroom, the peace, the quiet no longer in existence.

“What could cause so much havoc, so much pain, and so much distress? Motion sensing lights! Yes, you read that correctly, the motion sensing lights have ruined life here on the arsenal. In the midst of a perfectly relaxing moment, a moment of serenity comes a rude interruption. We are overcome with fear, overcome with confusion, overcome with darkness.

“The darkness has led to many of us fearing for our safety, not knowing who may be lurking on the other side of the stalls. This also results in us enduring the shame and embarrassment of calling a friend to walk in the restroom to activate the motion sensor, and the awkward moment when we lock eyes through the crack of the stall door. All because the motion sensor lights turn off in a very short period of time — approximately 3 minutes.

“Although we are afraid, we do have a solution to this problem. Currently our options are throwing toilet paper in the vicinity of the motion sensor, in hopes we trigger the lights — a failed mission. Here are some of our solutions, [but] option 3 is the best.”

1. Remove the motion sensors
2. Install giant wands in each stall to activate the motion sensor when the lights go off
3. Install clap on/clap off system
4. Install individual lights in every stall
5. Install toilet bowl lights

“We believe this is a very important issue that relates to personal health, safety and moral. I am requesting someone take action to resolve this issue ASAP.”

Management responded that it would keep the sensors as a “low-cost utility reduction method.” But it agreed to extend the time period when the lights go out if they don’t detect any motion. So everybody can relax.

Nearly Useless Factoid

By Amelia Brust

Source: Wikipedia

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