Many politicians and lots of decent regular folks are convinced the federal workforce is way too big for what it does, which, many believe, is not very much. They have, no doubt, enjoyed this week’s potential governmentwide shutdown. Bring it on, some must be saying! So, as it turns out, are some fed-up feds!

Critics say the bureaucracy is squishy, too big, lazy, inefficient, self-promoting and their jobs —whatever they claim to be — either aren’t necessary, or they could be done better, faster and at less than it costs to feed some 2.6 million bureaucrats by the private sector. Sounds right, right?

So let’s get serious and call these bureaucrats’ bluff. Let’s see what they really do. Or don’t do! Easy way to find out: Why don’t politicians test the bloated bureaucracy theory? Instead of playing political chicken by shutting down selected government operations, as was threatened this week, let’s go all the way. Instead of ordering some people in some agencies and departments to work while many of their colleagues are told to stay home, let’s have a real shutdown. Everybody should be told to stay home until further notice. As in, when we (and government critics) noticed either that nothing was happening or lots of stuff that should never, ever, happen was in fact happening.

In a real shutdown, when relatively high-paid feds like air traffic controllers were free to watch TV soaps all day, you might want to postpone that vacation to Spain or Hawaii. And stock up on food before the total shutdown, since federal inspectors wouldn’t be checking on meat, poultry or produce. You can trust Louie the Butcher, right? Shutting down Customs and Border Protection operations will give people in those high-stress jobs a welcome break. Make it easier to quickly (hah!) hire thousands of new agents and give sanctuary cities thousands of new residents. Shutting down the Pentagon and CIA in Langley would do wonders to improve traffic in the Northern Virginia ‘burbs around D.C.

We could also ask (firmly but politely) North Korea and Iran to knock it off while all those nonessential American bureaucrats (at the CIA, DIA, NSA et al.) were honoring the shutdown. If not, we could thrash those nations with a firm UN resolution of disapproval.

Yesterday’s column was about the ghost of shutdowns past. Lots of people had lots of comments. And that prompted this from a very long-time, sometimes long-suffering fed at the Homeland Security Department. She writes:

“Hi Mike:

“I really enjoyed your column today. So many good viewpoints from feds on government shutdowns.

“I started working for Uncle Sam more than 40 years ago, so I’ve seen a few shutdowns. This time around, if it actually happens, will be the first time I was considered non-essential. I’m kind of hoping for a little time off (even if I don’t get paid).

“What I’ve never seen in all my time is a real government shutdown. Send us all home! Let Congress realize how ‘shiftless’ and ‘overpaid’ all of the people who ‘feed at the public trough’ truly are. I know it would take a while before the effects would be felt by the public for the work done by many agencies. Somehow, I would love to have the public ignore the political rhetoric and realize how many services we feds actually perform. Probably not going to happen.

“Oh well. We didn’t join up for the praise.”

That’s for sure. Another writes:

“I assume the politicians and much of the general public are unaware of the scope of important things the government does every day, 24/7 that are under the radar. The shutdowns we have had in the past were jokes. Most people in many agencies were ordered to report for duty because what they do is essential to the national defense, homeland securitiy, crime-fighting, public health you name it. They were less than partial shutdowns and in the end tens of thousands of people were paid their full salaries for not working. For not being allowed to work. I think its time we had a for-real shutdown. Not a strike. They are illegal and not in the public interest. On the other hand let the politicians declare a total shutdown and see how long that lasts.” Pete of the FAA

Nearly Useless Factoid

By Michael O’Connell

The world record for the most people spinning plates simultaneously — 1,026 — was set Sept. 25, 2007, at the official opening of the Sportcampus in Utrecht, Netherlands.

Source: Guinness World Records

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