If you are visiting or entertaining nonfederal relatives over Thanksgiving, and they start giving you a hard time about being a pointy-headed bureaucrat, have them take this test:

Question: The first person to set foot on the Moon was…

1. A certain dashing, yet self-effacing, columnist and talk show host for WFED 1500 AM.
2. Buzz ‘after burner’ Hurley, a legendary test pilot for Lockeed Martin.
3. The guy who does the voice of the GEICO Gecko.
4. A GS 15 federal civil servant.

You have 10 seconds to answer!

Question: When jeweler Harry Winston sent the fabled, priceless 45.52 carat Hope Diamond to the Smithsonian Institution it came from New York to Washington via…

1. Three armored cars driven and guarded by teams from the Italian and Irish Mafias.
2. It was smuggled into the National Zoo in the stomach of a large Chimp named Ricky who ingested it along with a banana daiquiri. Ricky went on to live 18 years after the diamond was, uh, recovered.
3. It was delivered by a New York City cab which was lost for three days in New Jersey.
4. It came by regular mail.

Again, ten seconds!

Question: The turkey that’s the centerpiece of Thanksgiving looks nothing like the wild turkey that Benjamin Franklin wanted (in lieu of the bald eagle) as America’s national symbol. Where did your modern turkey come from…

1. A brief encounter between Sid, a 2-year old Helmeted Guinea Fowl and Martina, a 3-year old giant Snow Mountain Quail just outside of Provo, Utah on Oct. 17, 1947.
2. The Agriculture Department Research Center in Beltsville, Md.
3. A once-rare strain of albino turkeys found in central Turkey.
4. Actually the modern turkey is a throwback – known in scientific circles as reverse Darwinism – to turkeys that once inhabited the Great Plains.

If you answer A, C and C, you are dead wrong. You might even need professional help.

The correct answers are D, D and B.

Now, back to the couch. Happy holiday.

To reach me: mcausey@federalnewsradio.com

Nearly Useless Thanksgiving Week Factoid
by Suzanne Kubota

The first Thanksgiving service known to be held by Europeans in North America “occurred on May 27, 1578 in Newfoundland,” according to the Smithsonian.

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