Will you need a morning-after-the-election pill?

While I’m away on vacation, a number of bold readers have agreed to fill in some blanks by doing a guest column.  Today’s is by federal benefits expert John Elliot whose career took him from a Defense agency in Chicago to assignments here in D.C. with OPM, Interior, Customs and DEA. So he’s been there, done that, got the T-shirt.  Here’s his offering which he’s headlined:  Trumped!

“This highway leads to the shadowy tip of reality: you’re on a through route to the land of the different, the bizarre, the unexplainable. .. .Go as far as you like on this road. Its limits are only those of mind itself. Ladies and Gentlemen, you’re entering the wondrous dimension of imagination. … Next stop The Twilight Zone.”

― Rod Serling

I would think by now many federal employees have started pondering the impact of a President Donald Trump on their lives and general well-being.  Imagine if you will who some key officials might be in the next administration.  Take for example the State Department.  I’m thinking Miss Universe could well be a candidate for Secretary of State.  Reaction to this choice around the globe would probably be mixed, but here’s one possible reaction:  Sergey Lavrov, the Russian Foreign Minister: “Not bad!  At least I won’t have to look across that table at Kerry anymore, such a long face all the time, so depressing.  And I think I remember her saying somewhere that she’s for world peace. Very charming!”

Other likely choices for your next bosses?

  • Director of OPM: Bill Gates, for obvious reasons.
  • Secretary of Defense:  Bob Gates, for consistency.
  • Attorney General: Gonzalo Curie, currently sitting on the federal bench, for obvious reasons.
  • Secretary of the Treasury:  Ivanka Trump, to keep an eye on her father’s money and the IRS.
  • Director of Homeland Security:  Charo, as a peace offering to our Mexican friends (and she’s for world peace).
  • White House Chief of Staff: Amy Schumer, her cousin Chuck is the likely successor to Mitch McConnell.
  • Department of Labor:  Mitch McConnell.
  • Department of Energy:  Steven Wright.
  • Department of Education: Oprah! Will not waste money on U.S. schools, but will spend generously on South Africa’s.
  • Department of the Interior: Martha Stewart.
  • Department of Agriculture: Cheech Marin.
  • DEA Administrator: Tommy Chong, for obvious reasons.

I could go on but I’m tired of this and since this is a “guest column” I can stop whenever I want.  John Elliott

Nearly Useless Factoid

By Michael O’Connell

Little Morris McGurk dreams of creating the most amazing circus ever in Dr. Seuss’ 1956 children’s book “If I Ran the Circus”.

Source: Wikipedia

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